Stop Putting Others First and Start Prioritising Your Own Relationship Needs!

Have you ever found yourself in a scenario where you're bending over backwards for someone else's happiness, only to realise that your own needs are collecting dust on the back shelf? As a psychologist and relationship mentor, I've seen this narrative unfold repeatedly. It’s a common tale—perhaps one you know too well.

Imagine this: you meet someone, and there's an instant spark. You're over the moon, ready to give this all you've got, but then comes the dreaded "but" from the other side. They say they can't be with you, and the reasons pile up like unread messages. It's a tough pill to swallow, and I'm here to say: it's okay to feel disappointed, but it's not okay to forget your worth in the process.

Relationships are two-way streets, not one-sided love poems. If someone truly cherishes you, they won't just find a way; they'll create one. Now, I'm not saying it's easy to acknowledge this. Our minds, bless them, are wired to hold onto the hope of 'what could be,' courtesy of our feel-good friends, dopamine and oxytocin. These hormones can be like the friends who hype you up for a party that doesn’t quite live up to expectations.

When someone can't or won't commit, it's not a reflection of your value. This is where you take the reins. It's about shifting the narrative from "What's wrong with me?" to "What do I need and deserve?" It's about embracing the love affair with your own life. What brings you joy? Is it dancing, exploring new cuisines, or perhaps it's the thrill of learning something new? This is the stuff that makes your life uniquely yours.

Let's talk about priorities. I want you to think about your life like a garden. Are you watering your plants, or are you too busy tending to someone else's? Now, I'm not suggesting you become a relationship hermit. Rather, I’m encouraging you to cultivate a garden so lush and inviting that it's not just about who wants to walk through it with you, but about how much you love spending time in it yourself.

Engage in activities that resonate with you. If you love art, grab that brush. If you find peace in yoga, roll out that mat. And do it not just for the Instagram snaps or to check off a 'self-care' list, but because these are the things that refill your cup.

So, let's pause here. Take a moment to reflect on the times you've put someone else's needs ahead of your own. How did that make you feel? Resentful? Exhausted? Maybe it’s time to set some boundaries. Boundaries are not walls to keep people out; they are gates to ensure that those who enter respect the sanctuary that is your life.

Now, let's get a bit practical. Write down your non-negotiables, the things that are essential for your happiness. This isn't about being selfish; it's about self-respect. When you're clear on what you need, you communicate to yourself and others that you value your well-being.

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